What is Tantra? An Interview for Men’s Health Magazine

Hey lovers and friends, here is the Q & A write up I did for Men’s Health Magazine on Tantric Sex :)

Read the full article here

What is tantric sex?

Tantric sex is about becoming oneself, fully and totally—a style of engaging in intimate or sexual connection either solo or partnered in an authentic and honest way, embracing every thought, emotion, limitation and every wave of pleasure with a keen awareness and attention to the present moment with a sense of surrendered patience.

What is tantra?

Tantra is a non-dogmatic, non-moralistic and pragmatic philosophy and approach to life, love, eroticism, self inquiry and could be summed up being a great scientific laboratory of self exploration. Tantric sex is a way to heighten and transform consciousness and ones entire being, as its philosophies deeply embrace the body, seeing the body as the most powerful tool to bring about such shifts and changes in individual consciousness and thus greater cosmic consciouness. The tantric approach is also very much about the harmonizing of polarities, whether that be energies of masculine/feminine (though genderless), dark/light, pleasure/pain, just to mention a few of the divine paradoxes. Tantric sex does not require penetrative sex as several solo and partnered tantric practices can bring about deep states of bliss, pleasure, ecstasy and union without penetrative sex. What differentiates “tantric sex” from other forms of sex is the awareness, sacredness, purposeful increase in life force or sexual energy energy and diligent focus of directing ones sexual energy in a thoughtful way or exchanging such energies with a partner.

A brief history of tantric sex:

Classical Tantra such as Kashmir Shaivism from Kashmir and India or Vajrayana Buddhism of India and Tibet were born around the 7th century as spiritual practices with the purpose of purity, spirituality and enlightenment as the goal. Later Hindu and Hatha Yoga further expanded the lens of Classical Tantras, or sacred scriptures as transmissions from teacher to student. Very little was actually mentioned in the sacred texts about actual sexual practices, though the practice of sexual union was indeed offered as a route to transcendent awakening.

Much of what people refer to in the west as Tantra, is actually Neo-Tantra or new tantra, which focuses on intimacy and connection, healing trauma, overcoming physical and emotional blocks to pleasure, learning techniques to invoke more pleasure to oneself or partner and finding new ways to communicate and have healthier (and sexier) interpersonal relationships.

How does one engage in tantric sex?

To engage in tantric sex, one must have a great deal of patience, self discipline, regular practice of non-sexual solo practices such as yoga, meditation (sometimes with yantras, or sacred geometry symbols), breathwork, and internal muscle control (PC or kegel control); however, the diligent practice of continuously bringing oneself back to the present moment and offering as much of ones full Self to their partner (mind, body, spirit, heart, consciousness) and attention and awareness to their breath can be beautiful and necessary first ingredients for a blissful tantric sexual experience.

What's the goal of tantric sex?

Tantric sex offers a reprieve from much of our western culture of achievement, doing and success driven mind-set, as there simply is no goal. Yup! Not trying to gain anything, manipulate anything or really alter the present moment from what it is. Perhaps the present moment has enough information for us…if we could allow ourselves to wake up more FULLY to it and greet it with curiousity. Some may argue that the goal is to loom, weave or expand consciousness as the word “tan-tra” means simply that; however, the goal is to enjoy the journey, to explore pleasure for pleasures sake, to surrender into the ocean of the erotics unknown mystery. Many westerners come to the practice of tantra wanting to achieve more powerful orgasmic states or full body orgasms...and with practice, it certainly is possible. Some couples just want to be more intimate with their beloveds, to share something deeper while others come curious wondering “Is there something more to sex?”

The purported benefits of tantric sex?
-High level of awareness
-Increase in pleasure capacity and longer duration of pleasure
-Body, mind, spirit connection with self and partner
-Strengthen immune system
-can help with mild depression, anxiety and stress
-alter brain chemistry: higher levels of serotonin, DHEA and testosterone
-deep breathing in tantric sex can help detox body
-tantric sex can help restore the orgasm gap as much of neo-tantra focuses on vulva owners pleasure
-high increase in oxytocin in longer tantric lovemaking sessions which can bring more feelings of connection, love and passion
-can move sexual life force energy into the entire body system instead of just genitals resulting in full bodied orgasms, full bodied healing experiences
-some report having spiritual experiences or moments of rapture

Any cons/negatives of tantric sex?

The portals and depths that tantric practices can take one can be surprisingly deep and unsuspecting. It’s common that unprocessed events, traumas and core wounds may surface; however, this can provide the perfect blueprint to show us exactly where our personal healing work may be, which is ultimately a gift on the tantra path as it will eventually open us up to more pleasure. Tantra isn't for the faint of heart as it requires one to take a deep and honest look at oneself with humility consistently as the tantrik neither rejects nor fears any aspect of life, taking much of an “Embrace it All!” approach.

Any other important things to know if trying to explore tantric sex for the first time?

-Explore tantric practices such as eye gazing, PC squeezes, conscious breathwork and very slow rhythmic movements while in coitus (tantra is not just for heterosexual couples but can translate for ANY gendered couple or group) for short and concentrated periods of time such as 5-10 minutes. Increase duration slowly over time and add these practices to self pleasure or ones masturbation practice to enhance sexual energy control. Also, all the above practices can be practiced without being in penetrative sexual union. Each practice is a lovemaking journey in it of itself. Clothes on, clothes off, sexually or platonic…all powerful tools to invite more connection in.