How to Talk About Sex with New Potential Partners…

Written by Candice Leigh xo

HOW TO TALK ABOUT SEX IF YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP OR IF YOU DO NOT KNOW YOUR PARTNERS EROTIC BLUEPRINT:

The BEST Acronym I have found to have Deep, Quick, Efficient, Intelligent and Important Conversations with a Partner About SEX that can happen within 10-15mins: You don’t even have to break it down or explain to them in the format, but I always go through the questions if I am wanting to get answers and to have an encounter as mindful as possible.

R: RELATIONSHIP STATUS:

-Are you truly and fully single?

-Are you casually dating?

-Are you monogamous or poly? If open or poly, how many partners or what are your partner constellation?

-Are you in an open relationship with a primary partner that you live with?

-Are you a relationship anarchist?

-Anything that reveals your present moment relationship status

-A new thing that I have started to request is… “Are you heartbroken or healing from an old relationship?” This can help manage expectations from the get go as well.

B: BOUNDARIES:

-What are your boundaries or non-touch zones?

-Are you open to just kissing and nothing else?

-Are you open to oral sex but not penetrative sex?

-Are you open to any kind of nudity during the experience but not intimate touching? And define what “intimate touching” means TO YOU

-Perhaps the boundary is time and you only have a few hours together? Communicate that.

D: DESIRES:

-What do you desire from this experience together?

-Receive a massage?

-Give a massage?

-Have penetrative sex?

-Do an eye gazing practice?

-Do an energetic sex exchange?

-Just cuddle?

-Go into a deeply kinky scene?

-Be as specific as possible

S: SAFETY:

-What kind of contraceptive (if applicable) applies? Condoms? On the pill? Have an IUD? Had a vasectomy?

-When was your last STI test? WHAT was tested for and what were the results?

-Please for the love of God, do NOT say you are “clean”…as it exacerbates the already held stigma of STI’s meaning someone is “dirty”. Say you tested negative for…XYZ or positive for… XYZ

M: MEANING:

-What would it MEAN if we explored our mutual desires?

-AKA the “what are you looking for?” conversation

-If someone is interested in starting a possible long term relationship and the other is just wanting an in the moment connection with no interest/desire to reconnect afterwards… would save a lot of damn time to express this NOW. And yes things can change…and it IS your responsibility to ask additional info OR express how your feelings/meanings have changed!

Hope this is helpful!!!

-Candice Leigh