What is POWER?

Being dominant is vulnerable because one has to expose their desire for power. The more deviant and taboo, the scarier it is, but still, both mainstream media and the sadomasochistic subculture overflow with caricatures of emotionless masters and mistresses hiding behind their cruelty. Instead, I think one should blossom in their raw self-expression. Power is an opportunity to explore new avenues of esoteric intimacy that are profoundly energetic and sensual. Far beyond plain and mundane fucking. Learning to wield and surrender to power consciously and consensually requires a great understanding of one’s boundaries and being safe and brave enough to reject anyone overstepping them. At the same time, one should be humble and have humour; anyone that has to assert their power with violence doesn’t own it.

Power is given to someone that deserves it because of their deviant creativity, rocksteady presence, and ability to create magical spaces. Discovering one’s very personal dominant persona is a journey which will significantly affect what kind of submissives they will attract. Luckily sadomasochism overflows with expressions of power, and there are several rituals to practice and embody. And learning the symbolism of fetish items is a priceless tool for this transformation. Being dominant is a paradoxical balance between holding space and being selfish. Holding space is learning how to create a safe container for oneself and others to play with power while being selfish is expressing desire.

But eventually, one realizes that the real key is to stop ‘the doing’ and simply be dominant and do as one pleases as if it is the most natural thing in the world. As dominance belongs to the masculine aspects of the esoteric erotic polarity, mastering it beyond gender becomes a way to simultaneously make a parody of existing power structures while reclaiming a more healthy relationship to masculinity. Playing with hierarchies in the ‘bedroom’ makes one more resilient to them in everyday life. And, of course, as in any play with polarity, there is also space to plunge into the other end – the submission and surrender – to learn, challenge, and worship. In old-school leather culture, no one would ever be allowed step into the boots of the dominant before wearing the collar of a submissive. But I promise I’ll be both more flexible and gentle.

What is a sex positive space?

Working with the eros as a group process often raises questions about sexuality, nakedness and consent, especially when using modalities from the space in between esoterism and sadomasochism. Most bluntly, people ask me if it's a swinger's party or an orgy that they are going to. Or if something that is often considered very private or even sacred to them will be kept safe in the presence of others. The best answer I can give is by defining a sex-positive space.

Basically, it means welcoming all forms of sexuality, and very importantly, that includes no sexuality. It's a sex-positive space, not a sex-mandatory one. It includes all forms of orientations, genders, sexes, practices, kinks, devotions, or fetishisations. Simultaneously, it's not a "safe space" nor a separatist space for any one kind of orientation. It praises the idea from BDSM that "Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Okay", which means if another person's sexual orientation is triggering to you, then you move yourself elsewhere. But, still, everyone is submitting themselves to a shared and often fairly particular theme, and if you deviate too far from that theme, you'll likely and lovingly be told so.

It also borrows the idea from contact improvisation that "a dance" can be anything from fingers lightly touching for a fraction of a second to hours of diving deeply into slowness, embodiment and vulnerability. And both are valued equally. It aims to abandon the normative relationship escalator, which assumes that A must lead to B and C—a flirtatious compliment to a coffee—a date to a kiss—Netflix and chill to a one-night-stand—an innocent play to a long-term relationship. Instead, it invites you to relinquish your (and society's) expectations and discover something uniquely unknown.

Obviously, consent and consciousness are essential. You'll (almost) always be given an elegant and gradual way of escalating and de-escalating interactions that are slow and defined enough so you can remain conscious about what you are getting yourself into (or out of). That being said, sex-positive spaces do not replace therapy and depend on you and your nervous system being able to navigate a space of both intense and intimate human interaction. In the end, a sex-positive space is a space to celebrate the diversity and creativity of the eros in all its shapes and forms. And I'm genuinely sorry that I can't provide a more scientific description, so in the end, I have to ask your trust to take a step into this mystery called life. Hopefully, I got you. And no, it's not a swingers party nor an eye-gazing contest.

CONSENT

While consent, boundaries, and trauma awareness are paramount in my group processes, I do not offer a beginner-friendly nor theoretical introduction to the topic, like twenty good questions to ask when engaging with a new play partner, extensive self-inquiries on knowing what you want and how to communicate that, or learning how to interact with an unknown body for the first time. Don’t get me wrong, you’ll get to practice these skills in every exercise, but I will assume you already have a basic knowledge of them. Instead, I aim to help you dive deeper into these often emotionally fraught waters of intimacy and not knowing. One that, in an embodied way, balances artfully and respectfully between safety and bravery.

Please Read This Article on Consent before the workshop: 

https://andyburu.se/book/first-paradox/chapter-2/consent-as-feeling-together/

Are you ready for this?

If you are looking for that introduction to consent, I recommend getting familiar with the work of Betty Martin and their School of Consent.

How consent, boundaries and trauma awareness are dealt with differs substantially in different cultures and communities, so I’ll communicate in person how it works in each of the spaces I offer, as it also varies based on the topic and level.

NOTE! The focus is NOT on learning the ropes, but on the POWER-PLAY that happens between the two individuals involved. There will be opportunity to try out ropes, but focus is learning to FEEL the game that's going on.

Video with Andy and ropes:
https://andyburu.se/home/

Get a deeper impression of Andy Burus teachings 1-1:
https://videopress.com/v/FhjlCFYl

email: kinksandcandi@gmail.com to sign up